


i wonder how, i wonder why

by baratitty



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Crack, Other, sex with a fruit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 12:32:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1818652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baratitty/pseuds/baratitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard was kneeling in the bathtub...</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wonder how, i wonder why

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I am crazy. I couldn't help myself. Don't take this fic seriously. 
> 
> Gerard, if you somehow find this, don't read this. Or if you do, don't tell me I didn't warn you.
> 
> (And yes the summary is kinda mocking the milk fic but the milk fic is actually good, okay.) (Edit 2016: The milk fic is good, its author is a complete shit bag.)
> 
> Title inspired by the song Lemon Tree.

Gerard was sitting on his bed looking at the several items he laid out in front of him. He was glad he was home alone -Lindsey and Bandit decided to go out on a play date with some of Lindsey's friends and their kids- because it would have been rather awkward if either his wife or his daughter walked in on what he planned to do.

On his bed there was a bottle of lube, a dildo and a lemon. The lube is self explanatory because the dildo he bought just for this, let's say, experiment, was rather big. Gerard had used dildos and vibrators and other sex toys before, for pleasuring himself during his special alone times, for some kinky games with his wife and back when him and Frank were a thing. What he wanted to do now was something he couldn't ask either of them, mostly because he was scared that they would think he was a freak.

No, he was not a freak. He was a size queen though.

Of course he had washed the lemon before but he was still scared of bacteria and whatever that lemon had on its outside so he bought a box of XXL condoms and put the lemon in it. The lemon was not the biggest he could have bought but still it was a bit tricky to get it in. But he wanted to be on the safe side.

Gerard took a deep breath. He was really about to shove a lemon up his ass.

He put the items on his nightstand and after he took off his clothes he sat down on his bed again leaning against the headboard.

It didn't take him long to get aroused, he thought about the last time Lindsey used a dildo on him while slowly pumping his dick and teasing his asshole with one finger at first and a few minutes later with two. He was starting to sweat but he wasn't sure if it was because of the heat in the room or the excitement (or nervousness) of what would happen next.

He wiped his hand which already had a few drops of precum on it on the bed sheet and grabbed the lube and the dildo. He grabbed another condom, carefully rolling it on the toy.

When he was done he took a pillow, put it under his hips so that when he was lying down his ass was a little bit in the air and easier for him to reach.

Figuring he was stretched enough from his teasing before -and come on, he likes the burn- he grabbed the dildo and slid just the tip of it into him.

He hissed because it did hurt a little bit. Not enough to stop though. He pushed it further until it was halfway in when he paused and breathed.

His erection was nearly gone so with his other hand his started pumping his dick again and at the same time he pulled the dildo almost completely out before pushing it in again, starting a slow rhythm.

He didn't want to come yet, he just wanted to stretch himself even more but he couldn't help himself to groan out loud whenever he hit his sweet spot.

"Oh fuck yeah", Gerard moaned as he hit his prostate with a particularly hard thrust.

 "Okay, okay, this should be enough", he muttered to himself as he slowly pulled the toy out. He winced at the empty feeling because not only was he a size queen, he was such a cock slut, too. He loved being filled and he would beg for it if he had to.

Trying not to move too much Gerard put the dildo away and grabbed the lemon. It was finally time to do what he had thought about for weeks. He couldn't even remember when triggered the thought of putting a lemon inside him. Maybe he wanted to test how much he can take? He knew Lindsey would never go as far as fisting him and a lemon is about the size of a fist, right? Maybe a small fist. He didn't want to hurt himself.

He laughed to himself. "I'm really going to put fruit inside my ass."

He wasn't sure how to do this. He couldn't put the whole thing inside him because what if he can't get it out? Or maybe he could pull at the condom just in case it's stuck in him. "Damn it, I should have thought this through," he muttered.

He decided just to improvise when it came to that situation and grabbed the lube again to generously put a lot of it on the condom covered lemon.

Taking a deep breath he positioned it at his hole, pushing in slightly. The dildo he had used before was pretty big so getting the first few centimeters of the fruit in was no problem.

He knew the lemon wouldn't hit his sweet spot and he didn't want to lose his erection again so he started jerking himself off again. By now the fruit was almost half way in and his hole was stretched the widest it has ever been. This feeling was amazing and he loved it.

The angle he was holding the lemon was a bit twisted and it started to hurt his wrist so he started moving it in and out of his ass hoping he could come just from this.

And indeed, soon there was the familiar heat pooling in his stomach and the room was filled with his moans. He was actually getting off on this, he couldn't believe it. But it felt so good, the burn of the stretching having transformed into pleasure.

Gerard didn't expect his orgasm but he couldn't stop himself from moaning out loud before his come started to stripe his stomach.

Unfortunately while the pleasure was going through his entire body the lemon slipped into his holy. The entire lemon. Which was exactly what he didn't want to happen.

When he came down from his orgasm and realized his situation, he cursed out loud.

"Oh fuck. There's fruit in my ass. Hopefully I can get it out before Lynz comes home..."

If he wasn't so sensitive from his orgasm -which was probably one of the best orgasms he has had in a long time- the feeling of something big sliding inside him would be a pleasant one.

Luckily there was a part of the condom which was hanging out of his hole which he carefully grabbed and pulled on. He tried to relax his entire body so that the lemon could slide out of his body without a lot of pain.

When the first few inches of the lemon were outside he took them with his other hand and helped pulling it out.

You could probably hear the breath of relief he let out loud when the lemon was finally on his bed and not in his ass in the entire house. Moving still hurt a lot so very carefully he buried the lemon deep in the trash can so no one could find it later and after a shower he went to bed hoping that maybe later Lindsey will use that dildo on him.


End file.
